In Te Maunga we have be writing a story called ghost and Were writing what happened at the end of the story. The end of the story there was a gunshot because ghost was in a race. I will Share to you my story now.
IALT: I am Learning to Use punctuation.
Boom!! ‘The gun was like a silver superhero flying in the air and it Went to the sky To save the world . The bullet could go anywhere It Could Fall on me!” so I ran away, like I was being chased,
My lungs are popping. A puddle of sweat around me. I was melting Like an ice block on a hot day.
I felt like my legs had one job and that job was to run.. Brandan was in The lead so l told Lu “Let's go as fast as we can. We need to win. Brandon I going to win”
“NO I am going to win and Your dumb little friend will Lose too” Brandon Replied.
I am a cheater Zooming around the track. Energy got inside of me I didn't win Or Brandon. Lu won the race we are so Happy for him. I Guess he should have won.
Lucas, what an awesome effort. I really enjoyed reading your next chapter of Ghost. I think you did a great job of trying to add detail so the reader could paint a picture in their head. You used some great similes and metaphors. My favourite part is where you said "My legs had one job and that job was to run" I also enjoyed that you didn't have Ghost win the race. Did you enjoy the book Ghost? What was your favourite bit?
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great job!
Hey Lucas,
ReplyDeleteYour blog post is awesome!! I love how you added so many dramatic parts. You also added really cool adjectives. You just have a few capital letters in the most random parts of the story. Also you could add more detail in your description, like what you did well and could do better. But anyway you made an awesome story. Keep up the good work.
Bella.